Health care heroes: ‘He will fuel me until the day I hang up my stethoscope’
I have been an emergency medicine physician for almost 20 years. I have worked through numerous disasters, and I’m used to the daily grind of heart attacks, gunshots, strokes, flu, traumas and more – it’s par for the course in my field. Yet nothing has made me feel the way I do about my “job” as this pandemic has — that knot-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach sensation while heading into work, comforted only by the empathetic faces of my colleagues who are going through the same.
I am grateful for their presence, knowing they are both literally and figuratively with me, that they understand and accept so profoundly the risks we take each day. I also hope that my friends and family forgive me for my lack of presence during this time — precisely when we need each other most — and that they realize that their words, their encouragement, and their small gestures that come my way daily are the fuel that gets me through each day. This is a story for all of us.
I met my patient, Mr. C., on my first real “pandemic” shift, when what we were seeing that day was what we had been preparing for. He was classic in his presentation, his X-ray findings, his low oxygen levels… We just knew. And he was the nicest man I had met in a long time. Gasping for breath, he kept asking if we needed anything, and that it would all be okay. He told us he was a teacher, but that he was learning so much from us, and how much he respected what we were doing. The opposite could not be more true.
We had to decide how long we would try to let him work through this low oxygen state before needing to intubate him. His levels kept falling and despite all our best efforts it was time to put him on the ventilator. He told us he didn’t feel great about this, “But Doc, I trust you and am putting myself in your hands.” That uneasy feeling in my stomach grew even more in that moment. But he, with his teacher’s steady voice, kept me grounded, where I was supposed to be. I saw his eyes looking at me, seeing the kindness in them, even as we pushed the medications to put him to sleep. To say this was an “easy” intubation is an understatement. It was not. He nearly left us a few times during those first minutes, but he kept coming back. We fought hard to keep him with us. The patience and strength of my team that day, truly remarkable.
I handed him over to my friend and colleague, Dr. Beth Ginsburg, and her team in the ICU, and her calming voice reassured me that they had it from here. And then for the next twelve days, I waited and watched his progress, knowing the statistics and how sick he was when he got to us. They did their magic, and just yesterday my new friend Mr. C was extubated. I decided to go “meet” him again.
Mr C. was in the COVID stepdown unit, recovering, without family. Nobody was allowed to visit him. Even worse, his wife had been home alone in isolation for the past fourteen days, too. My heart broke thinking of how that must have been for her. I cautiously went into his room, donned in my PPE and when he saw me, he stopped for a second. A moment of recognition. I introduced myself.
“I’m Dr. Akbarnia, Mr. C. I was the last person you saw in the ER. You told me you trusted us to get you to this side. Looks like you did just fine.”
He started to cry, “I remember your eyes.”
And I started to cry. What he didn’t know is that, at that moment, I realized that we do what we do exactly for people like him, for moments like these. His strength, his kindness, his calming words to me meant everything. At that moment, my heart – which had been beating over 100 bpm since this pandemic began – finally slowed down.
I sat down and we talked. I told him that while he is here, we are his family. He will always have a place in my heart. And whether he knows it or not, he will be my silent warrior and guide as I take care of every patient, COVID or not. He will fuel me until the day I hang up my stethoscope.
Dr. Halleh Akbarnia is an emergency department physician at Advocate Condell Medical Center in Libertyville, IL.
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About the Author
Dr. Halleh Akbarnia is an emergency department physician at Advocate Condell Medical Center in Libertyville, IL.
This article and Dr. Akbarnia inspired me to remember that there are human beings, with hearts and emotions on both sides of this fight. Thank you, doctor, to you and all the essential workers doing their part, big or small.
Dr Akbarnia, what an emotional story, I am wiping my tears reading. Such a good uplifting story. Thank you so much for all that you, you team and the hospital staff does in caring for our patients. Thank you to all of our front line workers. We are blessed to have all of you in our world. Please know Dr Akbarnia, you were placed there for a reason, god bless you. Please take care of yourself and your family.
Thank you Doctor:)
Thank you Dr. Akbarnia for doing what you do! I have to admit I also had tears when I read this. You not only treated him for Covid you treated the whole person.
Dr Akbarnia. Your story regarding your patient Mr “C” resonate with me in such as way that I could barely read it’s entirety without tearing up. When patient Mr “C” stated “I trust you and am putting myself in your hands” is truly a testament of his faith in your ability to do you very best to pull him through his situation. As all of us who enter a hospital in critical need, we go in often with so much uncertainties but we pray that God always put in the care of the right person(s) He know will give us the best care to help pull us through our medical situation. I thank you Dr. Akbarnia and all of the other front line workers for all that you do, and even more so during these difficult time of this Covid19 pandemic. May God continue to Bless you and keep you safe… for “we’re all in this together.”
Thank you Dr. Arbarnia and Mr. C for sharing your story. This Covid pandemic is more than statistics it has a human side to it and you showed it! We are thankful for all the medical community is doing to care for our patients, because we all are apart of a family.
This was a very touching story. Thanks for sharing. Besides being heart-warming and inspiring hope, I loved that Dr Akbarnia took the time to follow-up with the patient despite an already hectic work atmosphere. The dual set of positive vibes bouncing from patient to doctor and doctor to patient would appear as if they energized each other. An AWESOME testimony.
Thank you for all you do Dr. Akbarnia and our Advocate Aurora Physicians. What an emotional read and truly inspiring. Thank you to all the essential workers that are doing their part while we are going through this pandemic.
What a beautiful and heartfelt story. On the news we hear only the worst and the bad side of things, I wish they would talk a little more on the good side, the recovered, or recovering. What incredible faith on both sides, doctor and patient. God Bless both!
Dr. Akbarnia, may you be blessed each and every day, even after you hang up your stethoscope, along with all healthcare workers! Thank you…
Thank you so much for sharing this amazing and inspiring story. This will be a defining time for all of us in health care, but none more so than those of you that are the last people to be seen by a patient before that patient closes his or her eyes, sometimes forever. We are humans caring for humans during the most difficult of times. So grateful when the outcome is a positive one.
Thank you Dr. Akbarnia, for sharing your story, there are not enough words to express my gratitude to you and all the clinical staff for going out of your way during this critical time of the Covid19 pandemic, God Bless you all
A sincere “Thank You” for all that you and your healthcare colleagues throughout the U.S. and around the globe are doing during this pandemic.
Such a beautiful story, thank you for sharing it. A reminder that we are all connected.
Thank you Dr. Akbarnia. Your story touched me deeply. After reading it I find I can’t stop the tears from falling on my cat, as I am one of those older generation, ex-ED nurses now working from home, from the ‘back lines’, with mixed emotions. I’ve paid my dues working multiple varied disasters but none of them could be as consequential as this one! Please remember to take care of yourself during these difficult times. I cannot be on the ‘front line’ anymore, but my heart is with you and every healthcare worker now. You are all angels on earth!
Thank you, Dr. Akbarnia, for that story as I also wipe tears from my eyes.
There are those who eyes alone show compassion/caring. You are one of those people. Thank you!
Dr. Akbarnia sounds like a truly dedicated doctor. Thank you for saving Mr. C’s life, and all the others that you have treated. You are also a great writer! I know Mr. C and am thankful you did what you could to keep him in this world with us!
Thank you for telling your story and for everything you’ve done, and continued to do, to make our world a better place. I didn’t know I would need my tissues while reading this article, but this is the kind of heartwarming story we all need. You are truly a hero, one of the many heros of this pandemic. Your sacrifice is paramount and you’ve given me hope that this virus is not a death sentence. Thank you so very much!
Wow! What a heartwarming story, thank you Dr Akbarnia for taking the time to write this. Many thanks to all the ICU staff and all the essential care workers that helped Mr. C recover. No one could do this job without your help. Everyone is important you are all risking your lives to save others. This pandemic is bring the best out of most people and I am proud that so many of them are Advocate Aurora team members. Thank you to all, stay safe and God bless you!
Thank you Dr. Akbania for saving Mr. C.’s life. I don’t know how old he is but I am glad
he beat the odds. It gives a lot of patients his age with Covid-19 hope…God bless you Dr. Akbarnia and your whole team.
What a heart warming story. This was so awesome for you to share. You are amazing. You are in the job that was meant for you. Thank you for all you do and all the health care workers on the front lines. The words “Thank you” are not even enough. You can feel your compassion in this story. Wow! This was great!
Thanks so much for sharing. That is a very inspiring story that people need to hear right now.
Powerful, beautiful, and we all need more of this!