How boundaries and self-care can alleviate holiday stressors

With the holiday season well underway, many people are already feeling overwhelmed by a never-ending to-do list of errands, social obligations, end-of-year deadlines, family gatherings and sky-high expectations.

“This time of year, most people are overworking, over-doing and overstressing, whether we’re talking about their professional, social, family or personal life,” explains Debbie Stamm, a nurse practitioner at the Center for Health and Integrative Medicine at Advocate Health Care. “It’s important to have some strategies in place so you can prioritize self-care and boundaries this holiday season.”

The first step is being aware of your feelings and acknowledging holiday stressors.

“Many of us are like ducks on a pond,” Stamm explains. “It may seem serene on the surface, but underneath the water, we’re paddling frantically to stay afloat. Know if you’re feeling this way, you’re not alone.”

For the over-workers

“Establish an end to your workday and stick to it,” she says. “When your day ends, take a walk outside to clearly mark the beginning of your personal time. Setting clear boundaries is critical, especially with year-end deadlines looming.”

For many, checking email has become a constant habit. Stamm suggests you check in more purposefully, especially if you are taking time off. Set expectations with your boss on how often you will check email and do so only if you must.

“Be mindful of how screen time makes you feel,” Stamm cautions. “If you’re scrolling through your phone, set a timer for twenty minutes and check in. If you feel more pressure or social media makes you feel less than, consider limiting the time you devote to your phone.

For the over-doers

“The feeling of needing to be everywhere, with everyone, to shop, meal plan and travel are just a few holiday stressors,” Stamm says. “It can seem like you don’t have another choice until your body starts to let you know.”

Warning sign might come in the form of a headache, insomnia or fatigue. It can even show up as chronic pain in the shoulders and neck. These are all signs you should take a step back and assess your stress levels. Try deep breathing or meditation to calm your mind.

“Deep belly breaths are a signal to your body to relax, and you can do them anywhere,” Stamm explains. “Breathe in through your mouth for a count of four. Hold your breath for a count of seven and breathe out over a count of eight.”

Stamm says you can also try a meditation. “Use the sights, smells, sounds, tastes and textures of the season to ground yourself in the present moment,” Stamm says. “Focus on your senses: feel the cold breeze or snow on your cheeks, smell the peppermint, taste the hot tea or cocoa, see the lights and decorations, and listen to a familiar holiday song.”

Connecting with others can bring joy, but it can also come with additional stressors.

“Recognize the things or people you cannot change,” Stamm encourages. “Instead of judgement or distress, focus on bringing compassion to relationships that may be more challenging.”

For the over-stressed

“To effectively manage stress, you need to think more holistically,” Stamm explains. “Consider the foods you’re using to fuel your body. Are you drinking enough water? Are you able to move during the day? Are you getting enough sleep?”

Additional relief comes when you connect to something greater than yourself – whether through a faith tradition or spending time in nature.

Stamm also encourages people of all ages to take advantage of opportunities to play. “Whether it’s sledding or a board game, play brings joy, relieves stress and helps you connect to others,” Stamm says.

Finally, if you think we have just added self-care to your already long list of holiday stressors, there are ways to fit it in. Stamm suggests taking “sips of self-care” throughout the day.

“Often, people think self-care is a big time commitment,” Stamm says. “However, you can use small moments and actions to refill your cup a few times each day.”

If you or someone you know is exhibiting signs of emotional distress, call or text the suicide & crisis lifeline at 988.    

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