How to handle your toddler having a favorite parent

Does your toddler only want mom? Or do they want to spend all of their time with dad?

While parental preference can be hard on parents, the good news is that it’s perfectly normal and extremely common. Many children’s preferred parent changes over time, too.

“If your child prefers one parent over the other, this is nothing to worry about. It’s a typical part of child development,” explains Dr. Kiranjit Deol, a pediatrician and internal medicine physician at Advocate Health Care. “This can be caused by breastfeeding or one parent acting as the primary caregiver. No matter the reason, this can be a hard thing for parents to experience and can lead to tension between moms and dads.”

Dr. Deol offers the following tips for families experiencing parental preference:

Don’t “give in” all the time

If your child always wants only mom or dad to read bedtime stories, switch things up and have the other or both parents present — whether you switch off each night or a few nights a week. If your child becomes upset over which parent is handling bedtime or any other part of the routine, explain to them that mom or dad is reading tonight. Validate their emotions and be kind and understanding. They will likely be upset, but don’t give in. Remaining calm and confident while your child is upset will help them adapt to the change.

Make sure each parent is having intentional 1:1 time with the child

If the non-preferred parent works during the day and the child is home with their preferred parent, take time as the non-preferred parent to do something fun with your child – bring them to the park or on a walk, play with their favorite toy or snuggle on the couch and read. That intentional, special time will help your child come to understand that both parents can tend to their needs and make them feel happy and loved.

Try not to take it personally

Remember that your child is not acting this way to upset you and that parental preference isn’t a reflection of your skills or love. Keep in mind this is just a moment in time like everything else in parenting.

Work together

Parental preference can be extremely taxing on both the preferred and non-preferred parent for different reasons. Try to avoid arguing with your partner over this. Talk about how your child’s preference makes you feel and come up with a plan that works for everyone.

“If you’re struggling with parental preference in your household, remember that just like every other part of parenting, this is a phase, and it will pass,” says Dr. Deol.

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